You're Not a Fraud: Learn to Face Imposter Syndrome

therapycoaching

Aug 18

Hello beautiful souls, it's Jaclyn here, back with another heart-to-heart.

Today, we're diving into a topic that's as common as it is overlooked – impostor syndrome. You know the feeling, right? That nagging doubt whispering you're not quite good enough, that you're just faking it and sooner or later, everyone's going to find out.

Well, ladies, it's time we talk about it, face it, and most importantly, overcome it together. So, get comfy and let's start this journey towards self-trust and authenticity.

What is imposter syndrome?

Two clinical psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, first identified and named the phenomenon back in 1978.

Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".

It's not to be confused with low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. People who suffer from imposter syndrome may still enjoy recognition and success, however, they feel they don't deserve it.

It's a serious condition that can manifest itself in different ways. For example, you may feel like you don't deserve success and worry constantly about being judged or not being as capable as others perceive you to be.

That's imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head.

Different Types of Imposter Syndrome

Believe it or not, there are different types of this sneaky little monster.

Dr. Valerie Young identified five common types of imposter syndrome. Let's take a look:

The Perfectionist:

You set extremely high expectations for yourself. Even small mistakes will make you question your own competence.

Perfectionism and imposter syndrome often go hand-in-hand. You may feel like you have to be perfect to be successful, and any mistake or failure will prove your incompetence.

Example: You're a visual designer and you just finished a project. While everyone praises your work, you can't help but think that it's not up to par and that someone will discover your shortcomings soon.

The Superwoman:

You try to do it all and put too much pressure on yourself. You push yourself to work harder than those around you to prove that you're not an impostor. You feel the need to succeed in all aspects of life—work, parent, partner—at the same time, without any struggle.

You may think that you don't need help and that it would be a sign of weakness to ask for assistance.

Example: You're a working mother and you juggle your job, parenting, and household responsibilities with ease. Despite all of these achievements, you still feel like you don't deserve the praise or admiration that comes your way. Sound familiar, Mamas?

The Natural Genius:

You judge your competence based on ease and speed as opposed to your efforts. If you take a long time to master something, you feel ashamed. If it comes easy, you think it's because you're a natural genius. In both cases, imposter syndrome is at play.

You may feel like you have to be the best to gain acceptance and overestimate the qualities of those around you.

Example: You're a public speaker and you can deliver your speech with confidence and passion. However, as soon as the applause dies down, you start to question if it was really that good or if people were just being kind. Doubting others' genuine reactions can be daunting.

The Soloist:

You feel as though asking for help reveals your phoniness. You’re the type who insists on doing everything on your own. This sounds like martyrdom.

You downplay your achievements and feel like you’ve tricked everyone into thinking that you are someone special when in reality, you know deep down that it's all just an elaborate hoax.

Example: You've been assigned to lead a team project and you know you need help from your colleagues. Instead of relying on them, you take on the whole project yourself. Even if it goes off without a hitch, you can't help but feel like an impostor.

The Expert:

You measure your competence based on "what" and "how much" you know or can do. You fear being exposed as inexperienced or unknowledgeable.

It's not enough that you're doing a good job—you must be the best in the field to feel secure. This may lead to anxiety and burnout as you are continuously striving for perfection.

Example: You're a software engineer and you are working on a complex project. Despite hitting all of the deadlines, you feel like everyone else on the team is far more capable than you and that they will soon discover your incompetence.

How imposter syndrome predominantly affects women

Now, let's get into the nitty-gritty. You may wonder, "Why should I care about imposter syndrome?"

Well, studies suggest that impostor syndrome is more prevalent in women. Women often face societal pressures that encourage perfection or else they'll be judged harshly. This can fuel feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, making them more susceptible to impostor syndrome.

Ladies, it’s not your fault. Pay attention to the messaging out there, subliminal and offensively direct, inviting you to be everything other than human.

It's important to note that imposter syndrome isn't exclusive to women. Men can suffer from it too but due to the unique pressures faced by women—in terms of sexism and gender roles—they are more likely to be affected.

Recognizing the signs of imposter syndrome

Recognizing the signs of imposter syndrome is the first step toward overcoming it.

Here are some common signs:

You downplay your expertise, even in areas where you are more skilled.
You're unable to accept compliments or praise about your performance.
You often attribute your success to luck or other external factors, not your abilities.
You fear that you won't live up to expectations.
You have difficulty trusting your judgment.

How to cope with imposter syndrome

Now that you know more about imposter syndrome, let's talk about how to tackle it head-on.

Here are some strategies for putting an end to the self-doubt:

Acknowledge your achievements

Give yourself credit where credit is due. Don't brush off your successes and accomplishments. Acknowledge what you have achieved and remind yourself that you earned it with hard work and dedication.

Celebrate small wins

Focus on the little things—like completing a project or getting a positive review from a colleague—and celebrate them! You're doing great, so don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back every now and then.

Be realistic with your goals

Set achievable goals for yourself and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't meet them all. It's important to remember that perfection doesn't exist—you can strive for it, but don't beat yourself up if it takes you longer than expected to get there.

Learn the facts

Our minds can be our worst enemies, especially when anxiety comes into play. It's important to learn the facts about your abilities and achievements so you can combat these negative thoughts with truth. Ask someone you trust for insight if you’re having a tough time discerning the truth from your own anxiety.

Bonus Mantras - tell yourself something you practice daily and BELIEVE IT ABSOLUTELY (I am enough. I am worthy. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I belong here.) If you need support with this, call me. I do this for myself and can teach you how, too.

Own your mistakes

We all make mistakes. It's part of being human. Don't hide from them, own them. Share your failures and normalize the process of falling down and picking yourself back up again. This not only gives others a chance to learn and support you, it also models humanity.

Last time I checked, you are NOT an alien. You are SUPPOSED TO make mistakes, learn from them, and grow.

Give yourself compassion

Remember, this shit is HARD and navigating it requires patience and love, not shame and criticism. So, give yourself some grace. Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can, and that's enough.

One more time - YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH. And it shows, sweet girl. It shows.

Practice self-care

Engage in activities that you enjoy, like taking a hot bath or going for a walk. Call up your girlfriends and tap into your need for social time, for fun and adventure. Take time to relax and unwind without feeling guilty about it. Take time to pour into other needs like curiosity, play and community. Self-care is crucial to your mental health and well-being—so don't forget to prioritize it!

Seek help

If you feel like you're in over your head, don't be afraid to reach out for help. There are plenty of resources available, from online therapy or online coaching to support groups. Don't hesitate to seek out the assistance and guidance that you need. Imposter syndrome is terribly common- know you are not alone.

Build trust in yourself

Last but not least, it's important to focus on building trust in yourself. Spend time getting to know who you are and what you stand for. Take the time to reflect on your strengths, values, and passions—the things that make you unique.

Remind yourself that self-doubt is a natural part of the human experience. It doesn't have to define you or your future, however. You can harness the power of your mind and learn to trust yourself again.

Wrapping Up

Ladies, it's time for us to kick imposter syndrome to the curb and start believing in ourselves. Remember, you are enough just as you are. You are competent, capable, and deserving of every accomplishment you've achieved. Don't let imposter syndrome rob you of the joy and satisfaction you deserve.

If you're struggling with imposter syndrome and considering online therapy or coaching services, remember, The Sassy Shrink is here for you. We believe in providing confidential, convenient, and affordable care. Together, we can face this head-on and start building a more confident you.

Here's to embracing our flaws, owning our strengths, and living our best, sassiest lives!

Book your free discovery call today and let's get started. You've got this! 💯

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