Stages of Grief: What to Expect and How to Cope
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is an emotional process that we all go through when we lose something or someone important to us. Whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a job, grief is a universal emotion that we all experience at one point or another.
Many theorists and mental health gurus have discovered stages of grief. Grief can be unpredictable and overwhelming, and with time and support, most people are able to work through such stages to live a functional and happy life. In this blog post, we will explore two sets of stages of grief including Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages and a modified version with 7 stages.
We will also discuss how to cope with these emotions and get the support you need. Remember, there is no "right" way to grieve, so go at your own pace and do what feels right for you.
If you are experiencing grief and loss, please know that you are not alone. The Sassy Shrink offers online grief and loss therapy sessions for women who need support during this difficult time.
The five stages of grief.
The 5 Stages of Grief is a theory proposed by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying", published in 1969. Still applicable and relevant in 2022, she proposed that there are five stages of grief that people go through when they experience a loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
1. Denial
The first stage of grief is denial. This is when we try to make sense of what has happened and come to terms with the fact that our loved one is really gone. We might find ourselves asking "Why me?" or "Why them?" We might try to convince ourselves that this isn't happening or that it's all just a bad dream. Denial can be a defense mechanism that helps us cope with the pain of loss.
It's important to remember that denial is a normal part of the grieving process. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling and don't try to force yourself to move on too quickly.
2. Anger
The second stage of grief is anger. During this stage, we might lash out at those around us or take our frustration out on inanimate objects. Anger feels appropriate when losing something valuable seems unfair, wrong, and/or too soon. We might find ourselves feeling rage toward God or the universe for taking our loved one away from us. It's important to express our anger in healthy ways—such as through writing or talking to a therapist—rather than bottling it up inside.
Remember, it's normal to feel angry after a loss. You are allowed to express your anger in whatever way feels right for you.
If you find that your anger is impacting your daily life or causing you to harm yourself or others, please reach out for help. Hurting others is not a viable solution to releasing your feelings.
3. Bargaining
The third stage of grief is bargaining. This is when we try to strike a deal with God, higher power, or fate in an attempt to bring our loved one back. We might find ourselves saying things like "If only I had been there," or "It should have been me.” This thought process lacks control, and when devastated by grief, it makes sense to want control. Bargaining can be a way for us to regain control over a situation that feels completely out of our hands.
Bargaining is a normal part of the grieving process, and it's important to remember that we cannot change what has already happened. This can be a harsh yet necessary reality to face.
4. Depression
The fourth stage of grief is depression. During this stage, we finally begin to accept the fact that our loved one is gone and allow ourselves to feel the pain of loss. We might find ourselves feeling hopeless, helpless, sad, confused, and numb.
We might lose interest in activities that we used to enjoy and have trouble sleeping or eating. We may withdraw and avoid people and things that remind us of the loss. It's important to give yourself time and space to grieve during this stage—don't try to bottle up your emotions or push them away.
You may feel the weight of the loss in your body such as achy shoulders, gut issues, and crying. To learn more about how your body talks to you when depressed, try this resource: What is Somatic Therapy? How Does it Help with Depression?
5. Acceptance
The final stage of grief is acceptance. This doesn't mean that we are happy about the loss— rather, it means that we have come to terms with it and are able to move on with our lives. Despite loss, we are here, alive and capable. It’s a true gift to reach this stage, as it allows for new focus and control. We might find ourselves setting new goals and making plans for the future, laughing again and getting back into routine.
Keep in mind that reaching this stage can take months or even years—and that's OKAY! There is no timeline for grief, so go at your own pace and do what feels right for you.
The 7 stages of grief
Another common model for grief is the Seven stages of grief.
The seven stages of grief are:
Shock and denial
This is when we first learn of the loss. We might feel numb, have trouble believing that it has happened, and even deny that it is true.
Pain and guilt
As the shock wears off, we begin to feel the pain of our loss. We might also feel guilty for things we said or did—or for things we didn't say or do.
Anger and bargaining
We might start to feel angry at those who have wronged us, at God or the universe, and even at our loved ones for leaving us. We might try to bargain with God or fate in an attempt to change the outcome.
Depression, reflection, and loneliness
As we begin to accept the reality of our loss, we might start to feel depressed. We might reflect on happy memories or on the things we still have to be thankful for. We might feel isolated and alone.
The upward turn
As we start to come out of the depression stage, we might see glimmers of hope. We might start to make plans for the future and find new meaning in our lives.
Working through and reconstruction
We continue to make progress as we work through our grief. We might find new hobbies, make new friends, or even start new relationships.
Acceptance and hope
We reach a point where we accept the reality of our loss and begin to look toward the future with hope.
How long does each stage of grief last?
It's important to remember that grief is a process, not a linear journey from one stage to the next. We might find ourselves cycling through the stages or moving back and forth between them. There is no timeline for grief, so go at your own pace and do what feels right for you.
How to cope with grief and loss
Some people find it helpful to talk about their feelings, while others prefer to keep them to themselves. Some people find comfort in religion or spirituality, while others find solace in nature or art. There is no single path to healing—so do what feels right for you.
Some helpful coping strategies include:
talking to a therapist or grief counselor
joining a support group
attending therapy sessions online
exercising or spending time in nature
journaling or writing about your feelings
spending time with friends and family
doing things that make you happy
Online grief and loss therapy can help
If you are struggling to cope with grief and loss, The Sassy Shrink offers online therapy and coaching services specifically for women. Book a session today to start working through your emotions and begin the healing process.
You may also like
