What to Talk About in Therapy: A Girl’s Guide
Hey there, lovely ladies!
Today I want to help you navigate the mysterious waters of therapy. If you're considering giving online therapy a whirl, and you're unsure about what to talk about during your sessions, don't sweat it! I've got you covered with this comprehensive guide on what to talk about in therapy.
First things first: What to expect in your first session
Before diving into the deep end, let's talk about what to expect in your first therapy session. It's completely normal to feel nervous or uncertain, and your therapist is there to support and guide you.
The first session usually involves:
Introductions: You'll get to know your therapist, and they'll learn a bit about you and your background.
Confidentiality: Your therapist will explain the confidentiality agreement, ensuring your privacy is protected.
Goals: You'll discuss your goals for therapy and how you'd like to see progress.
In your first session with a new therapist, keep it open, honest, and easy. Share honestly about what brings you to therapy and even to this person, in particular.
Is it your relationship with Mom driving you nuts? Are things at home getting rough with your spouse? Are you burnt out from work and need to complain about it?!
Also, you may have chosen this therapist because they specialize in what's ailing you. Perhaps you are anxious about some changes at the office so you reach out to a clinician that specializes in anxiety.
This therapist may say, "Why are you here today?" and this invites you to report any problems or concerns as well as any fears or frustrations happening in life right now.
Getting started: How to approach uncomfortable topics
Now that you know what to expect let's address the elephant in the room: talking about uncomfortable topics.
I get it, talking about certain subjects can be downright scary.
Trust me, your therapist has heard it all before, and they're prepared to handle whatever you throw their way. Here are some tips to help you tackle those tough topics:
Start with the basics: Share general information about your life, relationships, and work. This will help establish a foundation for deeper conversations.
Take your time: You don't have to dive into your deepest secrets right away. Allow yourself to build trust and rapport with your therapist, who is a human first before a qualified counselor.
Remember, it's a judgment-free zone: Your therapist genuinely wants to help you, so don't worry about being judged or criticized.
Use "I" statements: Frame your thoughts and feelings using "I" statements to help express yourself more clearly. Your therapist wants to learn about YOU, so focus on sharing your perspective.
Ask for guidance: If you're unsure how to broach a subject, ask your therapist for advice on how to approach it.
What to share: Being open and honest about your struggles
Opening up about your struggles can be tough, and it's essential for making progress in therapy.
Here are some suggestions on what to share with your therapist:
Emotions: Talk about how you're feeling and how your emotions impact your daily life. Crying often? Struggling with loneliness? Let’s discuss it.
Relationships: Discuss your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners. This includes the wonderful stuff too- your therapist wants to hear about your big sister as your best supporter, your boss who supports you, and the current partner that needs your needs.
Work or School: Share any challenges you're facing at work or school, such as stress or time management issues.This could include burn out, workplace relationships, productivity, perfectionism, etc.
Mental Health: Discuss any mental health concerns, like anxiety, depression, or self-esteem issues. You may already know how mental health affects your head and body, so clue your therapist in to formulate a game plan together.
Past Experiences: If you're comfortable, share any past experiences that may be affecting your present life.
Your new support (this is what I call your therapist) will want to learn about you at your pace, creating a safe space for you to explore, take up, and play in, all the things.
Over time, you may begin to feel comfortable enough to trust your therapist with secrets, shame, and stress. Tell them what's bugging you, holding you back, stressing you out, etc. They want to know and are prepared to help you figure it all out.
Related: Get the Most Out of Online Therapy With These Tips
Trusting the process: Understanding the benefits of therapy
It's essential to trust the therapeutic process and believe in its benefits.
Therapy can help you:
Gain self-awareness and self-acceptance
Improve your communication and interpersonal skills
Develop healthy coping mechanisms and problem-solving strategies
Enhance your overall well-being and happiness
By sharing openly and honestly with your therapist, you can gain insight into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It's an opportunity to process difficult issues, identify patterns in your life, and learn better ways of managing stress.
What to talk about in therapy
For a few ideas regarding what to discuss in therapy, consider this visual...
Picture a chest of 3 drawers...The good stuff, not the Ikea college dorm stuff...
The top drawer
The top drawer holds your graphic T-shirt collection, representing the small details about your life that you're willing to share with those you meet for the first time.
This includes your favorite ice cream flavor and the movie you saw last night. It includes the number of siblings you have, your job title, and your biggest pet peeve. It includes your opinion about Wawa as much as it's your perspective on the TikTok ban.
Your therapist is a stranger to you, and it's completely appropriate to share the kind of information that you would share safely and with comfort with anyone you don't know.
The middle drawer
The middle drawer is reserved for more delicate, personal things and important people, like your favorite old jeans.
This includes your pilates group of 7 years, your best friend, or your awesome work-husband. This includes personal details about you such as your fear of snakes, your vice for laziness, and your need for space when you're upset.
This is the kind of information that you can share with friends and family, but that still requires caution. Your therapist will understand if it's hard to open up about these things right away - trust takes time!
The bottom drawer
The bottom drawer is for you. Maybe it has a lock on the outside, protecting your secrets, shame, and fears.
This drawer holds the items we shield from the world and keep all to ourselves for fear of judgment, for ownership, for safety, whatever. This includes your deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. It covers topics that you may never talk about with anyone, even those closest to you.
This is the trickiest drawer to open, and it's also the most rewarding when you do. By being vulnerable and sharing what's in this drawer, you give yourself permission and control over your healing process. Allowing yourself to take this risk is a sign of strength and resilience.
I read somewhere that trauma is free and healing is a privilege. Know that when you expose the dark bottom drawer to the light, you are activating healing, and to many, this is a deep privilege.
So don't be scared, open up that bottom drawer! Your therapist is there to help you navigate whatever comes out.
Still unsure about what to talk about in therapy?
If you're still unsure what to talk about in therapy, just start with the basics. Talk about your day-to-day life, how you feel, and any struggles you're facing. As trust builds between you and your therapist, topics will naturally arise as you become more comfortable opening up.
When I am clocked in, I tend to smile at my client and say, "Don't think about it. Just be here with me."
They typically laugh and somehow, always find something incredible to clue me in on. If you remove the pressure to be "on" and to have the next thing ready, it's amazing what naturally presents itself to you.
Here's a list of 10 conversation starters to get you going:
Your childhood and upbringing
Unresolved conflicts or lingering emotions from past relationships
Body image and self-esteem issues
Recent life events or transitions, such as moving, starting a new job, or ending a relationship
Stress management and relaxation techniques
Balancing work, family, and personal life
Your hopes, dreams, and aspirations
Setting boundaries and saying "no" when necessary
Managing negative thought patterns and self-talk
It's essential to keep in mind that therapy is a collaborative process. It's not a one-way street, and the therapist needs your input to effectively help you reach your goals. Be as honest and open as possible - it'll be worth it!
The bottom line
Therapy is a journey and it's important to remember that everyone's experience is unique. You don't need to have all the answers or feel obligated to talk about difficult topics if you're not ready. It's okay to take your time, ask questions, and focus on what issues are most important for you to tackle first.
I know it's scary - I promise, you can do it!
The more risks you take in therapy, the better your results will be. Think of it this way- you get to decide what goes into that drawer and what you take out. You’re always in control. No matter what, your therapist will be ready with whatever tools they need to help you move forward healthily and productively.
Taking action: Scheduling a free consultation for online therapy
Ready to take the plunge? Schedule a free consultation with The Sassy Shrink. We're committed to providing confidential, convenient, and affordable online therapy for women just like you.
We are here to support and empower you as you embark on your journey of self-discovery. Take a deep breath, be brave, and go for it! Who knows what amazing things await - let's find out together!
Good luck!
I'm rooting for you. 💪🏼
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